a very moody thursday..not becoz of work...but becoz of a lecturer...who i totally like..Mr Michael Sng passed away on 25th and i didnt know bt it until today...today is his funeral last day...which means i cant even attend...tis is truly a very shocking news..coz..he was a great lecturer to me...he hardly lost his temper at us despite we being super noisy and refusing to do his tutorials and we also keeping failing his module..he enjoying talking to us during class hours and nv hestiate to help us with alot of tings..he is always ver caring...and always let us off early for his class...i rmb he had a stroke before..but another lecturer said that he was recovering...and now lk tis...haiz...life is so unpredicable. once moment we are happily alive..next moment...ppl ard us might not be ard anymore...haiz...so sad..
i truly wish you will find ur peace in heaven...may u rest in peace....i will greatly miss u....

going to indo on 1st and 2nd...hope i can enjoy myself....

is a bloody moody friday im having..it sux lk hell...i have no mood to do anyting...wat exactly is a r/s..it takes 2 hand to clap...but y i keep finding myself clapping alone...why must i do all the planning and keep surprising him whenever is our anniversary... im tired..so tired...why is it always me...y do girls have to plan everyting and surprise the guy???..shouldnt it be the guy doing this...f la...wat is tis...im so fed up lor...suppose to meet up to discuss next mth things but we nv meet in the end..i hate it when he breaks promises...if nv meet..y keep u call and discuss thru phone..this shows that u cant be bothered at all...yyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..everyting cant be bother..den y must i bother so much..y must i put in so much effort for u when u juz sit there and enjoy all my effort..u tink juz becoz u throw $$ and pay for it means u are so big...so wat...i plan everyting and u juz pay tt bloody $$ to enjoy...wat for...this surprise is lk im planning for myself...i always wanted surprises from u..but all these 3 yrs i got nth from u...i bear wif it.. but i cant stand it...u juz dun bothered...so wat the fuck u wan...im super angry at u...

fine...if u heck care or dun even wan to bother...i wont put my mind, tinking and effort in anyting anymore.. i wont do any planning...u wan..u go clap urself..i gif up on u and im so fucking giving up on this r/s...im making this r/s work and there u are destroying all my effort...i hate you...FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well well well..is thurday..so fast..ytd had a meeting...was a tense meeting...hate to have this kind of feeling in a meeting...dun lk dun lk...haiz...it time for me to do someting le...

many tings have been happening at hm...hope everyting is well for clarissa.

To Jie...i noe u noe the rules..but rmb to play the game smart and dun overplay...dun get hurt k...


to xian...u beta save up ur $$ and stop spending lk siao....argh!!!!

sianz sianz sianz.....

so sianz...is tuesday le...mama & papa is now at vietnam having their hoilday...cant wait fot them to come back..miss them so much...time flies so fast..still kinda of miss school days where i can nua..sleep in the class...juz miss those days...haiz...i guess i have to postpone being a student at BBDC till next yr after i come back from BKK. cant have 2 tings at one go..no $$ to support liao..
i really need to leave this sucky place before i go crazy...i do not wan to get involve in anyting..leave me alone...i juz wan to do my work....it sux soso much tt i wish i could get out of this yucky place at once!!!!!!!...tis stupid is so biased!!!!!!..unfair to ppl...haiz...really duno wat to sae...jie sae jus go..y for tink for others when others are not tinking for u....mayb is true huh...
im a dip holder and i shd get wat i deserve...im working my ass out for tt little $$..haiz...F la

hmm...5.41pm le..gng to go hm soon..later meeting boy..can hug him and smell him again..just miss him so much even thought i juz saw him ytd...hmm...decided to be a student at BBDC le..gng down next following tuesday as i took leave on tt day...hmm..i must choing for my driving..hope can pass and dun throw so much $$ into it..i oso need to spare times to go dw and take my practice all this..i really hope i can get my license by the end of next yr..tt is my plan..hope everyting goes smoothly as i plan wor...

having lots and lots of plans and wishes for the yr 2008...

1) to slim down
2) my driving license
3) a new job with a beta pay
4) to study my degree
5) a beta r/s with boy
6) my whole family including the Teos to be healthy and happy.
7) to get a PSP
8) to get a new watch
9) to get a new bag
10) earn more $$.
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still tinking wor...i know i know...cant be too greedy ya....i understand....

***** anyway, thanks to Xin Hui for your help on the BBDC and ur advice. *****

blogging again before i go home..jie stunned me wif all the marriage tingys..and i call xian up...he sounded so sad after i told him all the tings and wat happened...im sorry...i didnt mean it...but the thoughts all suddenly flow in...im scared...scared of marrying the wrong guy...i do not wish to suffer. will he be able to support the family..with the housing, stacks of bills...i noe..we should face it together..but i had enuff of the suffering im facing nw..i saving lk shit and he is spending lk shit...kao..is in and already out...haiz...i nv stop or interfer with him buying 4Ds or Toto...i mean..he lks...even if im angry or wat...i kept quiet..coz i dun wan to create another fight...haiz...
wat if i marry the wrong guy??...haiz...
wat exactly is marriage all about???....why does this question always appear in my mind...simply hateful bt it...i need advice from ppl...im scared and worry for our future..but he is...happy go lucky...i guess..i will be the one worrying all my life..haiz...y cant i be more lk him..happy go lucky and stop worrying for once...but guys will always be guys...they need girls to worry for them...anyone agree wif him??..

concerts concerts concerts...i wan to go liang jin ru and jay chou concert...but all so ex..and bloody jay chou's tickets are selling lk mad...save up save up for my driving and bangkok trip...
once again...any one else wan to join our BKK trip??..the more the merrier...hehehe...

it is 5.32pm now...1/2 hr more to go...i wan to go mama hse quick coz boy will be there..i wan to hug and smell boy...i love you...hehehe

**** im praying hard that i have not fallen for the wrong guy******

hmm...woke up this morning wif a very very bad sore throat...temper is bad too...r/s wif boy cannot be praise de...surely got tings happened de...ytd nite quarrel again..i was completely stunned when he sae he dun mind sharing his gf...i was lk huh????....WTF are you talking...anyway..cant be bothered too...heck him...talking rubbish...no mood to quarrel with him coz i simply have no idea wat to sae...gng to fall sick soon..can feel the throat wan to explode liao...should i eat more crackers and heaty food to make it explode so i will feel more comfortable...is lk someting stuck at my throat nw..lagi more worse...sianz..

many ppl are advicing me to go BBDC and register as a student.. but i need to save up enuff $$ and spare time for this...i work 9-6 and have to rush dw from IP to BBDC...is a far distance..sianz...

anyone wif job can intro me???...haiz...considering doing part time job...but tt would means..im going to lose all the time i can to pei boy...haiz...

hmm...jie is back from thailand...she had lot lot of fun..can see tt...haha...ok..it is official...me, boy, ban and sam are all jetting off to BKK next yr april...waiting for jetstar to have promotion then we will book immediately...anyone else interested to join us??? all are welcome to join us..hehe...fun fun fun...it will be fri all the way to mon..which means...i can shop till i drop at the Chatuchak..hehe...wasted..tt time i only managed to shop for 1/2 day coz i simply cannot stand the heat...it was eating me up and making me loss my temper...tis time..i will ren...shop shop shop..wahahaha...i need to save up lots of $$ to shop...hoho...
basically my savings will all go to BKK trip i gues...when can i go register my BTT...gng dw to bbdc to renew my membership and book a slot where i can take my BTT...which will be next week...sianz...haiz...i need to put my heart into this...anyway..need to find a new job tt can help me support all the expense im facing...im gng to be broke with the salary im earning....
giving $$ to mummy...my hp bills...my internet bills...haiz...lunch is so ex..tt im basically gng to eat bread or maggie mee...mayb i can slim dw huh...my stupid itching mouth..lk to munch on food...sianz..gng to indoesnia on dec the 1st and 2nd...so fast...mama and papa is flying to vietnam on the 18th all the way to 25th...i will miss them so much...hehe...anyway..my weekends are all packed...sat morn meet mama n papa for bkfast before gng to pray ah gong..den afternoon might be gng to ban's hse to "protect" her...haha...den nite is party party party...hehe...sunday...still tinking whether to meet boy for bkfast or go for my combat class...

im sitting on a fence now..should i join BBDC as a student or take BTT and FTT as a private den convert to student??...sianz...i need advice from ppl...haiz...

im crossing my finger now...the r/s between boy and me is gng fine and a bit on the happy side already...but will he go back to the same pattern in a few mths times??...im scare and worry...dun wan to go throu the whole hurting and healing process again...im just so softhearted...the more i love him..the more i put in into the r/s and worse the more hurt i get...but will he be the same lk me...

we went to see the Ji Gong on sat..before boy open his mouth,. the ji gong sae he is a stubborn pig and hot tempered. which i agree and i think i can believe this ji gong abit..he also sae boy have 2 gf and he will have 3 marriages..which made me a little on the worry side...can u imagine hearing this kind of things...break my heart...anyway..i choose to keep quiet and he didnt sae anyting too...ji gong ask boy to come back to look for him when he is married...hmm...wonder will he bless us??..haha
my turn..he sae im a weak hearted person..which i agree..he sae i lack of blood which is true...my white blood cells are on the higher end den my red blood cells....haiz...long post...

anyway...gng to combat later..jia you..

hmm....well well well...jie is in BKK nw...hehe...enjoying...so good...it has come to a day where i start to drag my feet to work....i hate it...whenever i start dragging my feet to work means im no longer interested in the job anymore...which is quite true..i hate my job and i want to change job...i must open my eyes big enuff to see...i wan to see the world...


talk to xian's sister last week...hmm...she completely stunned me...she asked me when their family can meet my family and talk bt me and xian marriage...i was lk huh??? WTF???...hehe...anyway i do wan to get marry..but at 20, is a bit too young for me and mum is not totally too open minded on this kind of issue...we planned...2 yrs later...im 22 and he is 26...yaya...he is not getting any younger but his stupid tinking is..so blur and foolish little boy...tt's wat i love bt him...3 yrs and i still love him alot...im glad tt the spark is still there and i have not completely lose my feelings for him...i still love him alot..hope he loves me alot too...
i love him more and more each day...wonder how he feels bt me...
everyting happened for a reason...hmm....wondering wondering wondering...lalalala...

hmm....2007 is coming to an end soon....just 1 month and a few weeks....times fly...everyone is moving on with their own life and doing wat they like...wat do i wan...
the craving to climb suddenly attacked me...wat exactly do i wan in life?...to get marry and haf a happy family...
dun tink so ba...with situtation lk this...vcery hard to tink bt our future anymore...juz felt the feeling is not there anymore...im so softhearted.
life in somewhere is so unfair...ppl getting salary without doing anyting....ppl stuck in a position with no place to climb....is so unfair...i need to noe wat is my talent...i wan to noe wat i wan in life? to earn big $$ and provide mum, mama and papa with the best...i had enuff of my life...with someppl not tinking....just spending $$ lk water...yes...saving up...but is all ur interest...tinking bt parents? giving parents $$...hope tt someone wakes up soon...i noe when i was schooling...i had no $$ to give..but im working...i contributed...this is a family of 3...not 2...i noe u wan to enjoy life...go overseas...i wan tt too...but i have to tink...is ok u dun wan to come home...at least gif some $$...dun ask me how much...it comes from your heart....everyone is heart broken and worry bt you...dun let us worry...u need to mature fast...we might sae we gif up on u..but deep dw..we will nv gif up on u...we sense a change in you..maybe a more self centre you? dun tink so ba...coz i noe u care for us....
and i hate how u bring me dw...u sae all those remark discouraging me...it breaks my heart and i really wanted to cry...i noe my dreams or ideas....i am not captable of doing them...but dun break my dreams...dun bring me dw....i wan to work in hotel line...u sae all those remarks..really hurt me alot...i now u didnt mean it...but it really hurts..just to let u noe...ppl ard you are not happy with ur attitude...but we are willing to bear coz we are family...we care for u...sometimes we might nag at you and u dun lk...but hey...if we dun care...we wont nag...i miss the old jie...
i jus wan to sae..how much i love u n jie...coz u 2 are the best best jies i ever had in this life and i hope i will still be you 2 younger sister in the next life...i dun wish to see both of u getting hurt or wat...pls slow dw on your footstep and tink or look back for awhile.. =)

my relationship with him is hurting more and hurt...we are always quarreling...hurting each other with all the remarks...haiz...

met up with my 2 buddies...i miss u guys so much....meet up real soon again!!