hmm...is friday le..but...i cant go out lor..my leg is still lk pig leg...nv eat medicine lor...angry wif myself... had a small disagreement wif samy ytd...sorry....glad we settle it on the spot and not drag it for so long...seriously...i miss ban alot alot alot...miss the time the 3 of us hang out together lk best buddies...i really miss those times..in sch..outside sch.. he came to pei me go see sinseh too...hai...soso sian lor...tml sat le...finally is the weekend already...pls...mon dun come...i dun lk mon...sian.....
Went to see the doctor ytd...Was diagnose with mild depression...she told me I have been running away from it...i simply refuse to accept the fact...i having depression...crazy...i feel fine...i feel happy...am i?....questions running throu my mind...it has been 4 yrs already...y I'm still suffering...i juz feel that there is someting tt is troubling me deep inside and making me sad...but...i cant seem to find out wat it is....a sadist?....i oso duno... He dun seem to understand dun he....he dun understand the tings i have to go throu...digging up those sickening pasts of mine which i buried it yrs ago...mayb is becoz i cant let go of the past... I'm so scared...no one understands or noe....I cant accept tis..I'm living in the past...i cant let go..someone teach me how to let it go...and open myself...i dun dare to reach out...becoz I'm scared of getting hurt...the pain...sharp pain.... Y do ppl force me to come out of my shell when i choose not to..And when i get out of my shell..ppl hurt me..hurt me so deeply tt i have to walk back in to my shell again... is not i dun wan to help myself...is i duno how... He had a wonderful family...ppl hu care for him..and me...i haf to be independent since young.... all i ever wanted was to be happy...ppl to love..care for me... Sam sae i change...i became more quiet...lose interest in things i like...tis person look familiar to me...this person was me 4 yrs back... i try to change..to open up...but i cant...I'm afraid to reach out... Nw...i duno wat i want...mayb keep running??...or shd i come back to reality to fight tis...i felt so lonely inside....i duno wat to do.....
11:51 AM
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
A New Start
Hmm....a new blog...a new beginning for me..deleted my previous blog... Life has been good to me???....i oso duno ar..haha...nw having my attachment in hp lor...soso sian...doing nth... Currently thinking about my future..where will i be heading towards..guess clarissa was right..do wat i like be4 i regret for the rest of my life...no matter how mummy is going to object to it(although she pays for me)...i still going to say NO..i noe that no matter wat...he will be there to support me...i noe he will...being throu so much with him...almost break up with him alot time..but i still love him alot...haha... The thought of going oversea to study keep running through my brain....but i can't bear to leave my loved ones behind..i ask him if he would go over with me..and he agreed...haha...soso sweet... his brother and sis-in-law are going to have their own hse soon...sometimes looking at them, i felt so...duno how to sae lei...is lk..their family is complete..a child (a very sweet and cute little girl), a wonderful marriage, and a hse they called theirs...perfect rite? when will i get marry..will i ever get marry..will my marriage be xing fu...wonder when will i get my own hse??...decorating and printing my hse...haha...*daydreaming*
