my life is crushing down on me now...nv realised we will end up in tis kind of relationship...im trying to be brave...keep luffing...being the cheerful me...deep down...im feeling so bloody sad tt i wish i could walk in front of a car...bang me...make me lose my memories of him...i dun wan to rmb him..i dun wan to rmb anyting about him...i dun wan dun wan...i feeling so misery inside...i dun wan ppl to worry bt me..i only can cry at nite...i do not wan ppl to see my tears..to realise how much i miss him so much...he was my everyting..i noe im still young...but i really lk him alot...i need a lot alot of sad songs...to make me cry...i wan to cry....im holding on too much...i wan to break down...who can i turn to...if i turn to steven..he will sure be angry with me...im acting brave in front of all...im not alright..i miss him so much..but this have to be settled one day...
we can still pretend nth has happened...but the problem will always be there...we will quarrel bt the same ting over and over again..haiz...he is one strange guy...one moment he is loving and nice...next moment he is lk a monster...

i guess after all these years...i still have not changed at all...im still a sadist...haiz...after so long...i always tot i have recovered...mayb i should go and see doctor...without letting anyone know..i should go book a appt and go look for the doctor...i guess should i require any medication...i should stop running away...from the fact i still suffer alot from depression??....mayb i really tink too much...tt's y im suffering so much...

*** i promise i will slim down in 2mths time and let you see the new me and i will live happily without you this 2mths.... ****