Went to see the doctor ytd...Was diagnose with mild depression...she told me I have been running away from it...i simply refuse to accept the fact...i having depression...crazy...i feel fine...i feel happy...am i?....questions running throu my mind...it has been 4 yrs already...y I'm still suffering...i juz feel that there is someting tt is troubling me deep inside and making me sad...but...i cant seem to find out wat it is....a sadist?....i oso duno... He dun seem to understand dun he....he dun understand the tings i have to go throu...digging up those sickening pasts of mine which i buried it yrs ago...mayb is becoz i cant let go of the past... I'm so scared...no one understands or noe....I cant accept tis..I'm living in the past...i cant let go..someone teach me how to let it go...and open myself...i dun dare to reach out...becoz I'm scared of getting hurt...the pain...sharp pain.... Y do ppl force me to come out of my shell when i choose not to..And when i get out of my shell..ppl hurt me..hurt me so deeply tt i have to walk back in to my shell again... is not i dun wan to help myself...is i duno how... He had a wonderful family...ppl hu care for him..and me...i haf to be independent since young.... all i ever wanted was to be happy...ppl to love..care for me... Sam sae i change...i became more quiet...lose interest in things i like...tis person look familiar to me...this person was me 4 yrs back... i try to change..to open up...but i cant...I'm afraid to reach out... Nw...i duno wat i want...mayb keep running??...or shd i come back to reality to fight tis...i felt so lonely inside....i duno wat to do.....
